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1 year in exile

3/17/2021

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Coming up on one year of the global pandemic has made me, like many people, reflective of what's happened in the past year, at the significance, what it's meant to me.  I very often, only half facetiously, commented that when we went into lockdown I was sent into exile as well as isolation.  But I have to say that my reflection has for the most part started in gratitude, recognizing that although it has been a challenging year for me as well everyone, there's been a lot of blessing within the fact of having to live through the challenge.  As well as just Blessing.  Number one is considering that exile yes, I'm not in my own home and I've become a full time caregiver.  And for sure that's been hard.  But I also think about what would it have been like to have been in that peak early days of pandemic cooped up — yes cooped up because we were trying to not even go out of the house really — in a high rise apartment with my beloved although extrovert child.


I was fortunate, blessed, privileged really, to have a different alternative, even though we had no idea at the time that it would be a year and we would still be in it and still be, Well that we would ever get to a point of talking about one year ago when we're still in the midst of.  Coming to south Surrey brought me to a place of beauty.  Now with Peace Arch Park there it can be pretty busy down here, not necessarily calm.  When I first arrived it was absolutely peaceful.  The parks were open.  It's beautiful walking down here whether you go in the parks or not.  And I could walk on the beach.  Just the neighborhood here has many beautiful walks.  It brought to my attention the microcosm of seasons in a way that I never paid attention to because of the aforementioned high rise apartment.  Being in a more rural area and walking in places where there is wilder growth.  And just a different way of paying attention.  I noticed the different seasons of blossoms.  I noticed the coming and the going of the dandelions and then the coming of the buttercups in the park.  Wild roses making way to blackberries.  One rogue cherry tree on the beach and apples, inexplicably, growing up on the shoreline back behind the tide line.


The neighbours planted a garden here.  I was the one who tended it.  I spent hours puttering around in that garden.  I pulled weeds, and researched what to do when the zucchini got leafy milk mold, or whatever they called that, and figured out a way to treat it, to support the zucchini.  Later I even figured out a way to fertilize the zucchini so that the beautiful blossoms turned into fruit .... ....
Much like the Israelites when they were sent into exile, and then later the People of the Temple being sent into exile, I was given an opportunity within the hardship of that to discover God in new places, in new ways .... 

​

I was thrown into myself.  Hours of my own company,
walking with the camera.  Sitting in silent meditation with
myself and, not simply The Divine but the Divine Realm .... ....
And discovering .... A way of holding my gift in the world
that I had hardly dreamed of. 
And what a blessing that has been.  
​



And in some ways I was thrown into myself. Hours of my own company, for sure, walking with the camera.  Sitting in silent meditation with myself and, not simply The Divine, but the Divine Realm .... .... And discovering .... A way of holding my gift in the world that I had hardly dreamed of.  And what a blessing that has been.  Hardship again as I broke my foot, for sure, and learning the lesson, again, one of those lessons I learn over and over, of community, of reaching out, of saying yes when people say “can I help you?” Even if that is simply to say “I'm gonna come down and bring you a coffee.  And we can sit in this physically distant way but together and visit.  Would you like that?” Yes.  Thank you.  Thank you. 


So I start off this reflection with many blessings.  A
 .... well not even a renewed relationship with my father-in-law because really I never had one before.  And although it's not what it might have been 30 years or 20 years or even 10 years ago, it is a relationship.  It has given me an opportunity to heal wounds in the family and I believe that all healed wounds reverberate back through the family line and forward through the family line and out in to the world.  And that may just be the biggest blessing .... ​
~
​
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pst.  Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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Voices of You

3/16/2021

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​Today I found myself holding myself in a kind of judgment, the kind that I would encourage any of you to let go of, to not hold for yourself.  I found myself thinking “This is not the body that I would want to be in, this soft, thickening body.  This isn't my body.”  And thinking “these wrinkles around my mouth, where did they come from? I don't want them.”


Hm.  And then, having sat with that, knowing that no benefit really comes of that, and really, this judging is the opposite of healing .... I Imagined Each of your voices Echoing back to me the kind of words that I would have said to you had I heard you make these judgments about yourself.  That .... “You are Lovely in the body that you inhabit. It is lovely. It is your vessel of being.  And your beauty shines through it” ....


I heard each of your voices saying, “Thank you For being who you are, For holding space in this world In the way that only you can.”  It was like the Divine One was speaking to me through your voices.


Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you. 
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Subtle moment of the soul

3/14/2021

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​Sometimes our eyes and hearts are drawn towards bright colourful moments. These might be moments of beauty ~ sunsets, an eruption of roses growing wildly by the side of the road.


Sometimes it is quiet subtle moments, though, that speak to our soul, a gentle holding of space for us to simply be with no expectation of anything at all.


To be drawn into a moment of awe is wonderous. And to be drawn into a moment of simply is-ness, of simply being .... Well it too is wonderous but in a different way, a gentle way .... And sometimes it's harder to notice those moments. But when they emerge when I become aware of them ....Huh, I really, I can do nothing other than breathe ....
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Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pst. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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Tracks in the sand

3/7/2021

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I found myself using this morning's meditation time tidying up the clutter in my space.  It wasn’t a considered thing, I hadn't intended to do that.  But somehow that's what I found myself doing.


I'm not really a very tidy person.  And because I do so many things I find that it's easy to put aside that piece of, kind of tidying the thing away before I start the new one or move on to something else.  I also find this in time of Covid, so much that comes into my space comes through delivery.  That’s a new thing.  But that's just how it happens and so I sometimes accept the delivery and then put the box in the corner.  And found that there were several of those where I had never put the items that I had received away on the somewhat empty shelves that sit above them.


And so, my meditation became clearing space.  And it made me thoughtful about that idea of being the change you want to see in the world and what that means.  We often think of it as in big terms, in terms of peace or maybe environmentalism.  But it is also a helpful reminder for small and everyday things.  If you want, if I want to have a sense of spaciousness, that my room is calm, that this place where I spend my time is a peaceful place, then I need to be that, I need to be the one who makes it that.  If I want to feel well in my body, then I need to be the one who thinks about what do I want to do, what can I do, to make myself feel well in my body, rather than thinking when I feel better then I will walk more or I eat better or have more energy for....And while that's not untrue, that we have moments where we just need to listen to our body saying to us “just sit today,” it is also true that sometimes just getting outside can be helpful.
​

This notion of being the change that I want to see, I had to laugh a little bit because I remember hearing someone talk about that in regard to opening space for relationship, for friendship, for lovers even.  And she said if your bed is cluttered with things then energetically you are saying that you don't have space for someone to share that with you.  If your days never include time to connect, then you won't connect.



 If I walk in beauty as I call myself to do, I might not
see the wake of that beauty that I have left behind.
But somebody else who walks there next
​may see and experience and appreciate it. ​


I'm really saying this for myself.  This is really just me talking to me .... Being the change.  If I want to have beauty in my life then I uphold beauty.  Hmm.  I feel like this is one of those lessons that I learn over and over and over and I've probably even said these before, out loud, in this space.  And yet here I am again reminding myself.  And while tidying up this space, taking away the boxes, putting things on shelves, putting books off stacks on the floor onto shelves.  Which, by the way, I've discovered means that I can actually see, much more easily, what books I have. Imagine that.  But doing that creates this space of calm, makes this place peaceful .... 



I'm thinking of the image from yesterday of the tracks of water in the sand and how it speaks to me of how we leave tracks, marks of what we are, what we've offered.  The tracks in the sand are not the waves but they show us where the waves were and I love the photograph, I love that image because it in itself is beautiful.  And so even though it is not a picture of waves it has beauty on its own.  And the waves may not even be aware of the tracks they have left in the sand .... 


Even walking into a space where care has been taken, the thing is that we don't think of the work necessarily that went into creating that, we just appreciate the space. It's often how it is, the appreciation of what is. 


Being the change. I may never see when I walk in the world if I walk in beauty as I call myself to do.  I might not see the wake of that beauty that I have left behind.  But somebody else who walks there next may see and experience and appreciate it.  And so I walk in beauty for the Earth.  And for those who walk on it.  And I create space for myself so I can do that.  And although I didn't have the kind of meditation I expected, I think this is good .... ​
~
​
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pst. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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Hinamatsuri

3/4/2021

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One year ago, on March 1, more than 30 women gathered in my mother’s home for our annual Hinamatsuri luncheon. In Japan Hinamatsuri, also known as Doll’s Festival or Girls’s Day, is celebrated to pray for the health and happiness of our daughters. Here in Canada, my mother and I began a tradition of hosting a luncheon to celebrate women friends.


The centerpiece of Hinamatsuri is a set of Hina Ningyo, decorative dolls, representing the Emperor and Emperess and their court. When I was three years old, my grandmother made me a set of Hina Ningyo when my family visited Japan. Most families do not have a set of these dolls so this is very special.


Listen to the popular Hinamatsuri folk song.
​

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​This year we have all learned the importance of staying connected while we are apart. Since we were not able to gather for our luncheon, instead we created and sent special cards. In any given year around 35 of us can gather. Counting all of the cards sent by me, my mother, my son and niece, nearly 100 cards travelled across the country and the world.


While sad not to gather, I am grateful to be reminded that we can find ways to reach out, to connect across distance. Even with all of the cards sent, there are many other people to whom I did not send a card. In the same way we cannot invite everyone for lunch, we could not send out an infinite number of cards. However, it makes me aware of the number of women who have touched my life as friends, teachers, mentors and co-conspirators. And if you did not receive a card from me I hope you will realize that you are also important to me, women and men both. I am so grateful for your presence in my life.
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My brother and I in Japan.
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    Kimiko Karpoff

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