Scattered moments. Sacred moments.
Moments are simply the brief passings of time as we move through our lives. Most are here and gone, but a scattered few hold our attention. While all of living is sacred, there are those scattered brief moments that particularly speak to our hearts, enrich our lives or reveal unexpected beauty. Scattered moments. Sacred moments.
Since I last wrote in this space, critical parts of my life have changed. My beloved spouse died. He was a life partner, a loving and beautiful man who brought joy to many through his music and his kindness. Now I navigate what life will be without him. At the same time I find myself unemployed as my work contract ends. Two major losses. Endings and openings.
While it’s hard to see, I trust the sacred embedded in these moments. If Paul must die, let it be surrounded in the beauty of love and gentled by care. I slept by his side every night until the end, held his hand as his final gentle breath slipped into the universe. All he ever asked for in his last moments of consciousness was his beloved child. And Finn was there. We did nothing but be together in those last days, as our friends came and went, saying their good-byes.
Many people have commented on the bad timing of the end of the work I was doing. But I assure them with all sincerity that it is all good. It feels like God is giving me this moment to really feel the emptiness so that I can find the most life-giving way to fill it. What is it that I am truly called to be doing in this world? How can my particular gifts be used to heal brokenness, uplift beauty, bring forth justice? How do I offer myself?
It was a long winter. Snow fell like we have not seen for 20 years in this generally temperate place. After which we had months of grey days and rain. But today spring is definitely here. Clear blue sky. Buttercups and dandelions brighten the green. I can see moths fluttering through the grass. A neighbour has hung laundry out to dry. Laughter from the school yard floats through my open window.
It is not yet clear to me what I will be doing going forward. Yet I know that as sure as spring comes, life will unfold in unexpected and, I believe, beautiful ways. As Julian of Norwich reminds us, “all shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.” Not that there will never be more sorrow, never be pain or disappointment. But that the scattered, sacred moments will reveal themselves. And strung together they will uplift and cradle my one precious life.
Thanks be to God.
5/26/2017 10:18:40 pm
I always enjoy your blogs Kimiko. so I have submitted my name to receive them.
5/26/2017 10:43:41 pm
Very well written from the heart. I pray for you & your precious son as you continue on your life journey. God be with you both.
5/26/2017 10:58:30 pm
I am keeping you and Finn 9n my heart and prayers.
5/27/2017 07:58:30 am
Bill and I would enjoy to continue receiving your updates on your blog.
5/27/2017 09:44:05 am
Very movingly written, Kimiko. Thoughtful and meaningful and very, very true. Good for you for picking up your pen again. You are a wonderful writer and I enjoy reading your thoughts. I continue to pray for you and Finn and I hope that, as Spring and Summer spread their magic of rebirth, that you two will also experience it, too. Blessings to you both.
5/29/2017 03:23:07 pm
You are a very special person and a wonderful minister. I think of you all the time and will keep you in my heart and prayers. Have a great time in Switzerland and take lots of beautiful pictures. Blessings to you and Finn
1/21/2020 09:13:06 am
I feel sorry for your loss. This makes me sad because losing someone who means the world to you is losing a huge part of you. The pain seems unremovable, and there is no one can take it until you’re ready to move on. Well, they say that life works that way; a thing or an idea that we should accept. But still, you are entitled for the pain that you feel and no one can take that away from you. Let go of the pain when you are ready; when you are already healed.
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