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Trying to sort through the myriad of thoughts and emotions today, my birthday, what I land on is: It’s complicated. Very little about my life as I turn 56 is as I imagined it might be, as the world I grew up in told me it would likely be, or even as I determined it would never be.
I realized suddenly today, that my physical reality has come to mirror my existential understanding of myself as someone on the outside, who stands at the margins in a world that looks to the middle. Now I literally live on a border, a strange somewhat arbitrary boundary delineated by a ditch. Here I have spent the past 16 months seeking out the often unnoticed beauty of this place. And seeking connection while feeling immersed in solitude ebbing and flowing with isolation. In other words, I revelled in the aloneness until I didn’t.
Ironically as I find myself both single and my child grown I am now responsible for someone else in a way that has not been true for years, maybe ever. My child was 20 when I became a lone parent and my spouse was always the homebody. Parenting was shared but much of daily moment to moment was not mine. And while caregiving is not parenting, the moment to moment responsibility is much the same.
Looking at this feather graced by the setting sun, I am struck by the truth that a feather, while a thing unto itself, exists to be part of a bird. It is the feathers that allow a bird to fly. And without the bird, the feather cannot experience flight. This is the image I have chosen for myself to mark this birthday moment. I am a feather, an amazing work of Divine engineering and artistry. My gifts are a necessary part that creates the lift for something greater than me that in turn picks me up. Together we soar.
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Waking up on this cloudy summer morning, I'm enveloped in sensory memory. The grey sky and fresh morning air spiced with cedar, ocean and the faint haze of smoke transports me to camping by the lake, cousins in the next campsite over, bread toasted over an early campfire and permission to spend a day curled with a book.
This last part is the one I pause on. A day curled with a book snuggled into a sleeping bag while still present to the world. In the camper I'd climb up onto the big bed where, unlike at home, the activity of the day was still around me. Mom making coffee, people walking by on the gravel road or forest paths on their way to the bathrooms, the lake or simply walking. I could hear the conversational cadences of other nearby families and wonder, as I heard cars rumble by, where they might be going. I realize now that at home we were isolated from the world whereas here I felt in the midst of it. But this began as a memory about spending a day curled up with a book.
I was a voracious consumer of Nancy Drew, Little House on the Prairie, and comics. We read Batman, Archie, Richie Rich. I have a particular memory of a comic where the animal characters lived out stories inspired by the Canterbury Tales, the nod to which I noticed only in retrospect while studying English literature in high school. Oh, and Mad Magazine. Classic summer reading.
As I dive into this, the memory shifts from child to teen, books morphing. Titles are less immediately available to memory now as I move away from reading series over and over to more random and more complex and mature fare. King Rat, Catch 20 20. And still Mad Magazine. Mad, in fact, may have been my introduction to seeing the world through a lens that was more critical, less inclined to the easy and prevalent story.
I still read, a lot, and pretty much every day. But rarely do I have, or perhaps it's do I take, a day to spend with a book. Despite living in this place that feels like cottage country surrounded by the essence of lazy summer day. On my recent mini holiday my niece and I both opted for an afternoon of staying home. She too lives in a place surrounded by coastal trees and in sight of the ocean so all of the sensory cues were there. I sat in the rocking chair by the window while she streamed escapist tv. Like toddlers engaged in parallel play, the presence of the other was all that was necessary.
This brings me back to now and here. Sitting at the kitchen table with the park and ocean in sight, in the air, sun burning through the cloud cover. Now having to decide whether to stay in the world of words or leave the book for later.
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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Kimiko Karpoff - Unravelled
This state of unraveling
presumes that At some point
I was ravelled. How could
I have missed such a thing?
How could I have not known when
I was knit beautifully
into something Wonderful, Warm,
That I could wrap-around myself.... That
someone could have wrapped around them
That you would look at
and say “wow
What a lovely beautiful
Raveled garment, item, Being this is .... ....
How could I have not known?
And now I feel the threads pulling
as if someone is at the other end
and just tugging and tugging
that One piece that one single piece
that makes it all come undone ....
Am I puddling onto the floor now?
Am I being re-wound lovingly
into a ball to be made into something else ....?
Is this Someone trying to pull it back
until the fatal flaw has been exposed
and removed and then it will stop
and the re-knitting will begin?
Or will I be nothing But my component Piece ....
Ready to be made anew
Or needing to be untangled
From the place Where
I have fallen in a pile on the floor ....
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Kimiko Karpoff - June18'21 river - Old friend
The River is different every year, changing like an old friend who you only see from time to time. Lines shifted by the weather, by what has gone on in the world around it. It was harder for me to get into the river this year, both the erosion of the banks and my own unsteadiness, a broken foot, the unsureness ....
The water is low. So once here, walking through the river was a little easier, the low water a little slower, a little less likely to sweep me off my feet. Again this is much like a long friendship. That tentativeness of reconnecting quickly becoming the ease of the flow ....
There's more noise here now. Even on this Sunday morning the traffic is loud. There are no Ducks this year, that I've seen anyways. Crows though. Crows as I've never noticed before roosting in the trees all around here. Ahh, and as I speak, one Duck begins swimming towards me from some tucked away place. I'm not exactly in a blind spot but the Duck hasn't seen me through the branches of these Willow trees ....
The Blackberries aren’t ripe yet. It's early but I wondered if the heat would have ripened them before their time. Even if they ripen within the next few weeks that’s still early ....
Every year I come here. And every year it's a little bit changed. I guess I'm a little bit changed too. They've done some work trying to bring back more natural plant life and pulling out invasive things and I know the Blackberries are probably the most invasive. At least in this area they’ve left them on the far side of the bank and I'm grateful for that.
I guess most of us here are invasive in some way. I wonder if the Ducks look at me and think well there is one of those invasive species .... sloshing through the water, disrupting the habitat of frogs and other creatures that live either under the rocks or in the grass ....
It's beautiful here, although I wish I could snap my fingers and make the traffic stop .... But my feet in the water .... I can feel just the washing, the grounding, the blessing ....
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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This summer night
walking a country lane
warm breeze scented with pine
feeling the cool rise from the underbrush
my hand reaches into emptiness
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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Imagine you're sitting here. Warm summer evening, the breeze surrounds you in the essence of this place. Smell the mounds of seaweed washed up on warm rocks. This is the main event, seasoned with fallen apple blossoms, a small creek, myriads of wild flowers. Tap in to the energy, let it ground you. Your breathing aligns with the rhythm of the waves. In, in, in, pause, out, out, out, pause. In, in, in, pause, out, out, out, pause. Repeat.
Stay as long as you like.
Stay as long as you like.
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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In the Biblical Book of Genesis, the day begins in the evening, the time of the setting sun. Creation began as darkness deepened, and matured at the rising of the sun.
We begin this new year of Canada in deepening shadow as we recognize our own dark history. We know that this is a beginning and we are being asked now to stay with the darkness, to learn what we have obscured. It's hard to not succumb to sleep and we are afraid. But it must be done. Individually and collectively our greatest wisdom is found in those things we have tried to bury in our dark places.
Now we are guided by an orange path into the setting sun. We must keep with it until the dawn of the time when we can all see the sunlight, when we can all flourish in the beauty of the day.
We begin this new year of Canada in deepening shadow as we recognize our own dark history. We know that this is a beginning and we are being asked now to stay with the darkness, to learn what we have obscured. It's hard to not succumb to sleep and we are afraid. But it must be done. Individually and collectively our greatest wisdom is found in those things we have tried to bury in our dark places.
Now we are guided by an orange path into the setting sun. We must keep with it until the dawn of the time when we can all see the sunlight, when we can all flourish in the beauty of the day.
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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I don't mean to moon the sun
but my bare back-side revels in this openness of seeing the wind
For a moment I delight in the fantasy that a crow has stolen my pen
a fair trade for the use of this knoll, this perch above the pond
I get the better deal
both my mistake
and these damsel flies dancing around my feet
followed by a white butterfly
Gratitude is only the first word
In the language of this place I offer my breath as thanks
as promise
to be be alive in the world
to succumb to arousal
I finally begin to understand how I am to love
and at every moment of doubt
a hummingbird arrives in response
so close I could cup her in my hands
I don't mean to moon the sun
but my bare back-side revels in this openness of seeing the wind
For a moment I delight in the fantasy that a crow has stolen my pen
a fair trade for the use of this knoll, this perch above the pond
I get the better deal
both my mistake
and these damsel flies dancing around my feet
followed by a white butterfly
Gratitude is only the first word
In the language of this place I offer my breath as thanks
as promise
to be be alive in the world
to succumb to arousal
I finally begin to understand how I am to love
and at every moment of doubt
a hummingbird arrives in response
so close I could cup her in my hands
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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Kimiko Karpoff - Balance and shift
To hold in tender balance both the truth of what is and our aspirations for what can be. We hold Righteous anger at injustice. And, that possible World, a place of Justice and Beauty that we live in
We hold .... The sighs of our own bodies .... And the joys .... of Having the energies and capacities to run and play and work .... It's a tender balance, not a tension. Not that they pull against each other or hold the equilibrium because of that
But .... A Balance. A both and. A truth and a truth. And while one truth may be more present and more evident, it does not negate the reality of the other Truth. And my task is to bring that other Truth into equal focus first. To hold them in balance as equally true. And then to walk towards .... The truth that is current longing. Beautiful world. Justice. Full and complete health. Beauty and joy. They are all there ....
And once I hold the balance, it’s a simple shifting of weight to get it to tumble .... Towards the aspiration Into the future of our choosing ....
And so I breathe and I breathe Bringing myself into the Balance
And then I Shift ....
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
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Kimiko Karpoff - Clouds - Gloriously cloudy day
Sometimes the fiery pink and grey
drama of post-storm clouds comes into
re-being through letters and words drawn
together In the same way that droplets
of water drew together and hung
over the land Caught by the edge
of the setting Sun just as they started to fall ....
Sometimes those storming clouds re-manifest
through photons and pixels images that
nonetheless fail to capture the true breadth
and glory but speak something
of their magnitude and magnificence ....
And yet again Sometimes those roiling
colourful Sun kissed Sun blessed
clouds that have let go of their pent up
energy and poured that out over the land ....
is re-formed becomes into re-being
In my belly Flowing through me As
I draw in the electricity the energy ....
And sometimes A cloud Is just a cloud
Hovering on the edge of the sky ....
Drawing in and releasing Drawing in
and releasing a gathering that Merges
and Disperses .... .... Sometimes When
I look in to the blue blue sky that holds
a single sheeps wool cloud .... I hear
the sheep And feel the wool in my fingers ....
Wondering at that air-born animal and what
it must be like to see the Earth from
that vantage And I look down at my feet
and wonder At the green grass And
whether to the ant that grass looks
like a great forest And whether
to the grass they look up at that sheep
in the sky And wonder if one day they too
will be subsumed And taken and then
scattered .... .... And sometimes a Cloud
is just a cloud Smeared across the sky
as if The dust from a chalkboard were simply
blown and stuck In a swirl in a wave
in a breath Hardly anything and you
squint to see if what you're seeing
is a cloud Or the breath of a Being
breathing into the cold cold air A sky
giant A sky angel Or maybe the Sky
itself breathing breathing .... And sometimes
a cloud is just a cloud Photo bombing
my Sunny day .... A joyful giggle A laughter
To say here I am That’s all Here
I am Here in this beautiful day am I .... ....
~
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
Centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations, Kimiko holds Virtual Healing Circles Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Please join us. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop her a note by e-mail.
