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Kimiko Karpoff - 2022-03-24 Two years later
2 years ago after driving down here to 0 Avenue to check in on Bill, I drove back home to New Westminster packed my car and drove back down here.
2 years ago we had recently been asked to go into isolation to try and curb the spread of the Covid 19 virus. And everyone was in this new moment. Retreat for many people, and fear, particularly those who could not retreat. There were differing messages about whether to mask, how far away to be from each other, the necessity of washing everything that came into your home.
But for me in that moment what I realized was that my 90-year-old father-in-law who was experiencing clear signs of dementia would really not be able to navigate this time on his own. And so I came. Imagining, in that moment, that it might be temporary, although I did wonder if Bill could not manage, manage what the long-term, longer-term living arrangement for him might need to be. But like all of us, on that day I was simply responding to the moment.
It's an interesting thing to consider. So often we're told, particularly for those who follow mindfulness, to be in the moment, not to be thinking of the past, of the future, but just to, even for moments, even for small amounts of time, to draw yourself back into what is happening right now. I wasn't being that intentional about this. However, when I was here and was in the moment it was abundantly clear that me simply coming here and being present was probably the most helpful thing I could do right then. Not thinking about my past relationship with Bill, not thinking about what happens after 2 weeks or a month but it's just right now ....
It is, today, 2 years since that day and I'm still here and Bill is now in a care facility that can better meet his moment to moment needs than I can on my own here. And I am here with the house and the cat .... And wondering about the future ....
Thinking back to that day is such a good reminder to myself about the power of simply being in the moment that I am right now. And while, particularly in the world and the culture in which we live we can't never think about what's going to be coming. And certainly we are always walking out of and holding with us at least some part of where we have come from, our journey before this, there is such power in just being present.
And so this morning I got up and stepped out into the new day, the new day of today like I had done 2 years ago and I looked towards the rising sun .... And felt the temperature of the air, smelled the freshness of this morning. This morning the trees in the park are pink with blossoms. The Rhododendron Bush has buds that look big and full not yet ready to burst open but so alive with Spring. The early mist was burning off by then. I had intended to step out perhaps a little bit sooner than I had and the sun was a little bit higher. And yet that moment created its own beauty. That sense of the point where the road disappears on the horizon .... I could feel something arising within me just looking down that stretch of road toward the rising Sun. At this moment I can't name it, but I wonder. I wonder .... Is that the road that stretches ahead of me? Is that the road that is behind me? What is there on that vanishing point .... ?
These kind of days, marking time passing, call me to reflection. I have decisions to make .... And yet, right this minute, just being here and noticing Myself and feeling the energy of Spring .... That is what I'm holding now .... And carry with me for at least a few more moments as I head into the day ....
~
Twice each week I hold On-line Healing Circles centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations. Join me Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop me a note by e-mail. I always love to hear from you.
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Kimiko Karpoff - Soundtrack of life
There is in our world no real
silence. I noticed this in
a moment of stillness
The neighbour's dog barks
The distant sound of the train
The furnace rumbling gently
in the background People
talking A helicopter
and geese .... .... I draw to
Hummingbird to teach me
stillness in motion And it is
the sound of her wings
that alert me she is here ....
In the quiet of the night I hear
the beating of my own
heart And imagine
or perhaps not imagine
that I can also hear the rush
Of the rivers of blood
through my veins Accompanied
by breath flowing from
my own breathing
Gentle in
gentle out ....
We have to work at total silence
noise cancelling headphones ....
When I tried it I was so
disconcerted I took them off
again .... That total silence cut
me off from the world I knew
Even going under water
where the sounds of the shore
recede Is not silence
replaced instead by echoes
carried on the waves ....
Somehow I have missed
the fact that sounds are part
of the connection that I have
To everything really
So many levels of connection ....
Some which Gently remind us
of each other and some
that insist we pay attention ....
Some which we hear
not only with our ears
but through our whole bodies
I miss the sound of your
voice as much as our touch .... ....
As I listen to the sounds
that surround me I
realize this is the soundtrack
Of life This is the sound
of how we live .... It creates
Song Memory Poetry .... ....
It is ....
~
Twice each week I hold On-line Healing Circles centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations. Join me Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop me a note by e-mail. I always love to hear from you.
Twice each week I hold On-line Healing Circles centred on evocative and deeply healing guided meditations. Join me Monday mornings at 9 a.m. and Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. pacific. Learn more at the Good Vibrations: the Energy of Resilience facebook page, check out the Healing link on this site or drop me a note by e-mail. I always love to hear from you.
